Progressive Definitions

An abbreviated list of progressive definitions, organized thematically:

Progressives – the Righteous Rich and members of the New Class; holders of august credentials; great spirits

Ally – any white leftist who accepts the moral inferiority of his or her political standing relative to other leftists with higher Victimhood Status

Victims – Everybody else, except Trump Supporters

Evil Capitalists – the Non-Righteous Rich; Trump voters, even if of modest means

Racists – every person holding any non-progressive political position

Systemic Racism – the universal explanation for unequal results not favored by progressives

Climate Change – is anything hotter/dryer than expected? Cooler/wetter? That’s Climate Change.

Science Denier – anybody who doesn’t believe that Climate Change means that we must abandon our freedoms and do what we’re told by progressive elites

Science Denier II – anybody who doesn’t believe that Tony Fauci should be Tsar of All Americas until he declares otherwise

The Constitution – an outdated relic that says exactly what the Justices say it does when they rule in a manner of which progressives approve, and should be ignored as an instrument of oppression if they don’t

Individual Rights – an outmoded concept, replaced by Social Justice

Social Justice – A flexible phrase used to describe whatever policies progressives hope for, but its proper usage must include an emphasis on Group Rights defined in terms of identity politics; the antithesis of individual rights

Hate Speech – any speech progressives hate; to be banned by our information overlords at TwitterGoogleFacebook

Free Speech – an outmoded concept

Gun Rights – an outmoded concept

Freedom of Religion – an outmoded concept wherever it conflicts with progressive priorities; now better conceived of as freedom from religion

Tenth Amendment – never heard of it.

Hate Crimes – crimes motivated by Badthink (as opposed to crimes motivated by Goodthink; see also: riots/looting)

Violence – could be anything, e.g., “silence is violence”; can’t be the left’s fault

Antifa – Socialist Brownshirts, but not like those bad ones in the thirties.

Riots – Mostly Peaceful Protests

Looting – directly appropriating goods from neighborhood businesses as part of a Mostly Peaceful Protest

Cultural Appropriation – (not to be confused with looting) – making any use of the products of, or mimicking the tastes of, or learning from, any designated Victim Group

History – events perpetrated by bigots the memory of which must be expunged if and to the extent that they cannot be used in the service of current progressive priorities

Merit – a tool of oppression

Trump – the devil incarnate, a reincarnation of Adolf Hitler

Bush II – the former devil incarnate/reincarnation of Adolf Hitler.

Romney – the former wannabe devil incarnate/reincarnation of Adolf Hitler; now being brought into line

Obama – the Lightbringer of whom the angels sing; among his innumerable great achievements were …  

Trump Supporters – the Deplorables; racists, all

Safe Spaces – places where ideas anathema to progressives are not permitted

Tolerance – the congenial encouragement of leftist ideas

Diversity – The rule that all groups of students, employees and entertainers (well, except in basketball) must contain proportional variations in melanin content skin types and should consist solely of people who hew to uniformly progressive perspectives.


I could go on and on.

M.H. Johnston


“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.” “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.” “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master — that’s all.”

 – Lewis Carroll

4 comments to Progressive Definitions

  • Anonymous  says:

    Nice. I am printing these and carrying them with me to a seaside cocktail party I must attend this weekend. Then, at least I will understand what they are saying, as in: Black Lives Matter = Brown Lives, Red Lives, Yellow Lives, and White Lives DON’T matter. Lucky to have my kids at Father’s Day until one said to me “Which is your favorite?”

  • Anonymous  says:

    Things are getting less civil on this horizon.

    • M Johnston  says:

      Oh come on; I love my progressive friends but that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at their pretenses.

  • DCS  says:

    Your definition of rioting could be reviewed. According to the NYT it’s what the police do during your “Mostly peaceful protests”.

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